“Well one day when you decide to settle down, you’ll be ready to buy a house”.

That paraphrased from someone older than I, as they responded to my statement that I won’t ever buy a house. Why would I? Everything you read says that real estate values are going down, down, down. No one can sell their house, everyone complains they have a mortgage to pay and the homeowner’s association dues are in the mail.

Tell me, why would I need to go through all of this just to “grow up”?

I guess I just look at a life underneath all of the extras. I just long for a more whittled down version. A version of life that a guy can carry on his back. A whittled down version that will fit into any backpack or pocket and one that doesn’t come with a subscription or a commitment.

Once I went to a job interview. The interview was for another position in the company where I work and the supervisor mentioned to me that many people in the open position keep an overnight bag in their car incase they are called out on assignment at the last minute. I thought that was so cool. Not so much the idea that I could be surprised with a road trip at any moment, but that I would have to learn to be prepared for anything. And stay mobile. Since then, I have made it a habit to keep a bag at least semi packed just incase.

Growing up I always kept my toothbrush and a few other bathroom supplies in some sort of bag I could easily carry with me. Sometimes I would just be spending the night out of town at a friends house. Or maybe on a Saturday night I had a drink or two more than I should have, and crashed on a buddy’s couch instead of driving home. I’ve always liked the idea that I could have everything I needed, even if it was just for a weekend, in my possession wherever I was and wouldn’t have to worry and could just go with the flow. I find that incredibly mature. The idea that you’ve figured out your life, that you’ve carved it down to a size that is manageable to you. That you’ve found a way to take control. Some even have found a way to live with just the items they can carry comfortably at all times.

I don’t think anyone is capable of handling many of the responsibilities that we (Americans, Europeans, Canadians, Australians, Adults, Humans, etc…) pile onto ourselves. I believe that many of us can handle it all for a period of time, but eventually it all comes crumbling down. But I also believe that this is nature’s or life’s or, for many, God’s way of whittling it all down to a manageable size for us.

I’ve seen a trend online recently. Where, at one time, you would see late night infomercials about how this guy or that guy is now living on a tropical island or lounging pool-side with his cordless phone all day because he or she found a way to “get rich”, you now see the guy or girl who quit it all to discover “minimalism”. It’s a noble cause and way of life. It is the way we all were born. When we were babies we laughed at the simplest of the simple. We also cried over anything that didn’t make us laugh, giggle or feel content. We knew no better than to express our emotions any way our bodies and minds told us. We also knew not to worry or to take on more than we could handle which could unknowingly make us worry more.

Then we grew older. We were told when to nap, when to eat, when to go for recess. There’s nothing wrong with that. After all, we were being groomed to be productive members of society. But it was when we were told when to buy things, and shown the post card to the future life we would visit and then live in, that is when we started to really stop listening to our own instincts. We had learned the basics, now it was time to learn the hard way. The latter was what we thought would be the easy route, ironically.

No matter what it took, we had to get that Bachelor’s degree, maybe even that Masters. We took on that burden of debt. If we needed it or, couldn’t find a job fast enough we stayed on for the P.H.D. This was so that once we passed a certain part of our 20s or even 30s we would be primed and ready to buy that house, that car, those subscriptions, those prescriptions and all of the bundled, packaged, signed, sealed, stamped, dated and deliverable “keys” to the life the grown ups lived. The debt and sacrifice was acceptable and guilt-fully encouraged. All you’d have to do is wash it down with a sip of denial and you’d be just fine.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

No one is telling you there is anything wrong with that prefab life. Buy it up. It’s so easy right? Well, nothing is easy. Remember that once a system starts to get “easy” for the consumer, the seller is going to jack up the price. The seller has to look after his own future too you know. It’s the price you pay to live the approved life-style.

But, if you really want to grow up, use your mind. When you’re not meditating and enjoying the moments as they race past, use that noodle of yours for some good. Ask yourself:

“What in this life have I ever enjoyed, which was spoon fed to me?”

The answer is probably nothing. The things you really enjoyed were probably the mundane times when you had really cool conversations by the pool with a good friend. Maybe you went on a summer trip and did only what you wanted to do. Maybe you told everyone around you that you didn’t feel like path “A” was right for you so you decided to go down path “C” because if felt better, only later to realize that following your own gut instinct was a great decision.

I don’t think the lesson here is to choose that Anthropology degree over that Accounting degree because you find Accounting boring and just want to follow your “passion” or that Anthropology is an easier path. I think the lesson here is to choose your life. The life that you know, seriously know, is the life that is both smart and fun. A life with excessive mindlessness is boring, but over-thinking everything and worrying is unhealthy as well. Falling into all of the material trappings of being a “grown up” can be very unhealthy.

How about living an old-fashioned life where hanging cloths out on the line isn’t weird or a sign that you’re unsuccessful. Do it because you don’t want to hear the dryer making that god-awful noise and you want to be earth-friendly. Save all of the money you possibly can and take that sabbatical that you deserve to take when you are over 30 and have been working and are already sick of the corporate life. Who says that college, and the time directly after college, will be the last time you’ll be able to take off a large amount of time to go backpacking on another continent?

Turn off the television, get off of the social media and the cell phone, and listen to yourself for once in your damn life. Your mind isn’t talking to you. Your soul is talking to you. It is telling you to remove all of the ropes and chains that are tying you down. I feel as though we can develop a type of Stockholm syndrome in our societies. While it is smart, and best, to be responsible in all ways. It is also, sadly, acceptable and mainstream to be, for example, financially irresponsible when it comes to certain big purchases. It is also acceptable and mainstream to stick to one place and be hyper-local in the paths that we take, for example, going to work and then home again and following this cycle for weeks and months. Yet we eat foods that come from another part of the country or world, or are totally out of season, as if it is totally acceptable and normal to do so. Why wouldn’t we get out of our towns and go explore to try those things, instead of paying to have them brought to us? These are two examples (one financial, and one lifestyle) of how we live such hypocritical lives and accept this hypocrisy as normal because we have developed a sort of Stockholm syndrome to the system.

Instead of seeing mainstream things such as homes, cars, televisions and overpriced daily items as frivolous, we see purchases such as travel (even budget) or actions such as a sabbatical as frivolous. We see living a mundane, repetitive and hyper-localized life as safe and responsible yet eating fish shipped in from another part of the world, or fruits from a side of the earth experiencing the opposite season is acceptable, normal and not dangerous.

I would argue that, in order to truly “grow up”, we have to start being more conscious of who we are. We have to skip a large expensive institutionalized education, if our path is that of an apprentice. We have to know where our food comes from and know the path it took to get to us, appreciate all of it and know how to prepare everything we consume. We have to see anything that is simple and minimal as more exceptional than the complicated and hard to manage. We have to see less as more and understand that there are natural alternatives to everything and that we as humans can get caught up in a mindless zombie state too easily. We will be more connected to the Earth in this way. We have to understand that experiences are worth more than any thing we could ever pick up, or buy.

In order to grow up, you have to be able to teach something new to the ones who are growing up behind you. And you have to be able to help them remember history so they don’t repeat mistakes. You are not just passing off the baton. You are also enjoying the run.

Let’s be honest, whether you’re employed or not, the topic of unemployment and job related struggles have come up a lot lately.

One way we can all relate to each other, whether rich or poor, is that at some point you’ve probably worried about your job. Maybe it was a fear that your social status would be hurt. Maybe you were suddenly “let go” and forced to start all over again.

The way you handled it or would handle it might range from becoming an advocate for what you see as injustices, to continuing that daily grind, charging forward on the same career path.

My point is, our jobs are a huge part of our lives. We spend a huge part of our lives worrying about money and it often becomes who we are. Our label. Our identity.

Learning that We’re All Struggling Together. Foreign Films.

I’ve got some great non-English language films below that hover around the topic of  unemployment, career, regrets and money. They all have an uplifting element to them though.

A note about my setup: I have a Netflix streaming account and a Roku box that I use to watch media on my modest television. I use the website Clicker as a guide to all things media on the internet. I highly recommend this setup, but if you don’t have access to these films, they are all from Film Movement which is a great resource for these and other independent and non-English language films.

Days and Clouds

    This is a very nice Italian film. The husband is doing really well in his career when one day he discovers that he is out of a job. He struggles with his anger towards his business partners and tries to hide this embarrassing secret from his wife. The couple also struggle with their daughter and the disapproval they feel over her career path.

It’s a story about career, passions and family.

All of it is really well done and points out how society creates this pride in all of us that can be debilitating at times. Find out more her on Clicker.

The Pope’s Toilet  

   This is an endearing story set in Uruguay. It’s about a small town and one man’s dream of making money for his family when he hears that Pope John Paul II is going to come bless their village.

The father (main character) comes up with a plan to build facilities that everyone will need to use for this big event. It’s a dirty job but somebody has to do it. The poverty stricken family has little money to work with, so the father uses money saved for his daughter’s education to fund his crazy business idea.

It’s all about community and a family’s struggle to make it in an economy that really just isn’t working for them.

Find out where you can watch it here on Clicker.

The Grocer’s Son (Le Fils de l’épicier) 2007

   I wasn’t sure I would like this one.

It is a really well done film. The style, aesthetically, almost feels like a made for television move in the UK (don’t ask, I can’t explain why), but it is very good and the story-line moves at a great pace.

A son who moves to Paris after growing up a really small town in France, works to make something of his life. He goes through odd jobs in the service industry built a reputation as someone who has little patience and drive. He doesn’t have a great relationship with his father, but he tries to follow his gut and make the best of the few opportunities that are out there.

When father falls ill he must return home to help take care of the family business. He brings along his female friend who is also struggling to make ends meet and get an education to better her life. It’s another one that has a very uplifting feel despite the main topic.

There are actually some really funny moments in the film. It’s a great one to watch.

Find more here on Clicker.